Familiar and safe like a brother yet destructive and unforgiving no one wants to be near it suppressed it boils until the explosion deceiving power only seen by the ridiculous defensiveness she defends herself bluntly deep guilt arises she punishes herself in a hundred unconscious ways what to do? is it her own or was it passed down as normal? is it someone else's? confusion and then again it arises in her family in her partner in her thoughts she has fiercely processed it to the ground yet understanding it does not make it disappear is it real? is it a distraction from creativity? she laughs she chooses peace again and again